June 30, 2004
Wednesday
9:10
Well today is the last day of the month. Hopefully I can gather up all my strength and start spending my days of summer differently- starting tomorrow, since today is basically over. I think I should figure out some kind of schedule for tomorrow so I don't catch myself off guard and end up binging all day, as I usually do, or sitting around staring at the tv or computer. I feel like I'm not really here. Like i"m just a wandering soul watching everyone living. It's weird. It's like I'm not a part of the world; separated. It's a hard feeling to describe, more like impossible. I know I'm not like everyone else. I think I have a very strange, almost eerie way of thinking- like my mind isn't a part of me. It is me- but it's like another person- like I don't know who I am. I just let my hand do the talking. It's like "where are these words coming from?" I just watch my hand move as it writes down these words. I don't know if this is normal. But who really knows what normal is. It's like "these words aren't mine." All my thoughts just appear on paper. It's like I don't even remember writing it- just thinking it. There's no reality when I write. I don't even realize there's a door or what's on the other side. It's like all that there is is in my room. There's no emotion just thoughts. Snap back. not ready yet. what else? hmmm. "All the colors upon leaving will turn grey." snap. Yea so Kelly tells me that she talked to Pete.
Yea. had CATRA again today. I met Julia, Sarah aka Rover, Britney, and Kim. I already knew Hanna from yesterday. I can really see myself being close with them. They just seem very inviting. And like awesome people. It's like I can get away from everything I am to everyone else and just be myself or something close to it with them. So I'm looking forward to that. Yess. Laura was welcomed into the world today. I can't imagine Aunt Sharon as a mother. It's strange. But I'm really happy for her. I wanna see the little sucker soon. Laura Vorce. Yup.
Yea. had CATRA again today. I met Julia, Sarah aka Rover, Britney, and Kim. I already knew Hanna from yesterday. I can really see myself being close with them. They just seem very inviting. And like awesome people. It's like I can get away from everything I am to everyone else and just be myself or something close to it with them. So I'm looking forward to that. Yess. Laura was welcomed into the world today. I can't imagine Aunt Sharon as a mother. It's strange. But I'm really happy for her. I wanna see the little sucker soon. Laura Vorce. Yup.
10:04
No comments:
Post a Comment