Home, home, home.

They say that home is where the heart is

I guess I haven't found my home

And we keep driving round in circles

Afraid to call this place our own

And are we there yet?

They say there's linings made of silver

Folded inside each raining cloud

Well we need someone to deliver

Our silver lining now

And are we there yet?

And are we there yet? And are we there yet?

Home, home, home. Home, home, home

They say you're really not somebody

Until somebody else loves you

Well I am waiting to make somebody somebody

Soon

And are we there yet?

And are we there yet? And are we there yet?

Home, home, home. Home, home, home

Where you will lie on the rug

While I play with the dog

And it won't be too much

Cuz' this is too much

Cuz' this is too much for me to hold

This is too much for me to hold

Home, home, home

And are we there yet?

And are we there yet? And are we there yet?

Home, home, home. Home, home, home

And are we there? 

I'm ready to go home. Literally and figuratively.

I am excited to be back in the 717, eat lots of turkey and mashed potatoes with my loved ones, write all my last minute papers in the comfort of my living room, cuddle with my cat, watch TCM all day, catch up with friends, and just be home. To be immersed in the familiar. Relax. Rethink. Reevaluate some things. That 3 hour drive is so satisfying, I love the feeling I get once I cross the river on 81. That's when I know I've made it back.

I just want to hang out at the diner, go to Sonic, and watch movies. I don't want to have to worry about all the work that's stock piling up for the end of the semester. The heaping pile that I'll have to climb within the next few weeks. I'm an experienced climber, but my limbs are weary. My plan? to continue ignoring it all, just like I've been doing.

I'm anxious for Friday to arrive. I can feel it. I can taste it. It's so close. I have no patience for Tuesdays. Or Wednesdays. Thursdays I can manage-- greatest night of television and it's the day before Friday. I feel the urge to start packing already.

The song lyrics have to deal with that anxiety, the impatience I'm feeling about Friday. But it also deals with how I'm feeling about other things... mostly that incessant craving for a sense of belonging, identity, specified place that is yours. It's partly the longing to be with someone, partly to find myself. A combination of all of that. I'm searching within and outside of myself to find some kind of knowledge that I can latch on to. I want to challenge myself, but I also want that feeling of completeness. That sensation of just "knowing". Yesterday my Dad was here on his way back from the Steelers game in Pittsburgh and took me out to lunch. Somehow we got on the topic of relationships and how he and my Mom fell in love. How he knew. He said, "It's definitely true you just know when it's right. It's not immediate, it's not a passionate whirlwind that shakes you. It's very calming."

I'm waiting for that feeling. That inner peace of just knowing. I know it's going to be a while until I find that, and I'm not expressing my eagerness to make that happen. I'm just... I don't know. I'm secretly anticipating the satisfaction. But not in a crazy way... that girl craziness we're all so accustomed to. I think what I'm trying to say is that I feel ready for that. I'm ready to start looking for that. Meaning that I feel like I'm ready to start finding out what is not right. I want to test the waters. I want to try things on for size. I want to know what I don't want and what is wrong for me in order to know what's right. I need to be braver and take chances.

I think it's taken so long to make any sort of moves because I had the expectation of waiting around until the right one came along... but how am I supposed to know if I don't have anything to compare it with? No experiences stored up in a vault that I can reference and draw conclusions from.

I don't want to be so... so introverted. So afraid. I'm scared to put myself out there. I've never really acknowledged how delicate I am. But I am. I take everything personally.

One thing I do know is that this isn't going to be easy. It's takes effort. So. Effort is what I'll have to make.

And so it goes

This soldier knows

The battle with the heart isn't easily won...

But it can be won.

Ingrid knows what's up.