revision.

I revoke my previous post.

I've realized that all my wanting and desire for a certain person is motivated by the mere desire to have somebody. This certain somebody is attractive and easy to get along with, but in terms of what I want, he just won't do. I need my somebody to be head over heals for me, and this fine individual won't be able to live up to that. Which is absolutely adequate. I'm looking for extraordinary.

A lovely conversation late last night/early this morning helped me come to the realization that in terms of intimacy and finding means of affection, I'm not interested in cheapness. Even in terms of kissing, etc. If I'm going to do anything with anybody, it's going to mean something. As much as I might want to do things with certain people, it's not going to fulfill me. I'll most likely feel embarrassed or stupid and go crazy. I'm not a casual kind of gal. And I'm okay with that.

I'm no longer going to stress or wonder or fuss over why I'm not with someone special right now, or why I haven't been for sooo long. I know it's going to happen. I know it's going to be monumental. I know that when it finally gets here, I'm going to be glad I waited for it. But until then, I just have to be patient and keep pace. Focus, focus, focus. Concentrate on things I want to accomplish for myself. Make myself happy right now instead of waiting for some dude on a white horse to come along and do it for me.

So, for now, this certain somebody and I will remain friends as usual. I'll stop trying to force a transformation of our current relationship into something else entirely. And on the off chance that I'm not imagining questionable indicators of mutual feelings, I wonder if I'd accept the offer if it ever arose...